Random Insanity: REBORN
by Fayted Eclipse
Summary: A prequel to my other stories. Name is deceptive, is actually starting to mellow out. Heavily influenced by Chaos Silk's writing, the author who inspired me to start writing fanfictions, Read and review please :3
1. Intro to my tale

**Random Insanity: Tales Reborn**

**Chapter 1:The Introduction to my tale**

A/N: Hello People. I am the one and only, Eclipse. I have gone through plenty of trouble lately, and have finally, after two years, taken up writing once again. I looked through my old works and threw them in the corner, putting a sticky note on them that labeled my previous stories, "A Really Big Mess". So I decided to re-create a lot of the Random Insanity stories you all know and love. This Is Random Insanity: Tales Reborn!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Eclipse and Shadow. I am a broke high school student…

_My name is Eclipse "Moon" Sheyon. I am a 24 year old man born in Midgar. I was infused with Ecliptic Wolf Demon Cells at birth for a horrible experiment. Through long travels and tough experiences, I made my way to Kalm, where I met my best friend, Shadow. She can be a bit strange at times, but at least she isn't boring. My life is far from ordinary, a collection of random events that seem to come out of nowhere. This is my life, my Random Insanity…_

Eclipse sat on the couch that was in the living room of his small house in Kalm, staring out into space. That is what he would usually do when he was bored. "_Shadow was supposed to be here an hour ago! I swear that girl is ALWAYS late!" _He thinks to himself, sighing slightly. He hated boredom, he just couldn't stand it. "Where is she!" he grumbles to himself. As if on cue, Shadow burst through the door, her ankle-long black hair swaying slightly as she walked over to Eclipse and sat on the couch. She yawned once before propping her feet up on the table in front of the couch. Eclipse looked over to Shadow, as if expecting some sort of strange comment. And there it came. "If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected, expected?" She asked Eclipse with an innocent look on her face, smiling slightly. Eclipse sighed, "Yes, No, Maybe, I don't know, and I don't care. Every answer you will ever need" he says and looks up to the ceiling, seeing a bag of Cheetos taped to the wall. "What are those doing up there?" He asks, turning to Shadow. They were housemates, and if he didn't do, he could guarantee it was Shadow. Shadow grinned and evil grin, "You'll see!" she says with a giggle.

Eclipse looked back at the Cheetos, covering his head with a newspaper, waiting for some sort of cheese-bomb or trap to set off. Instead, a very hungry Barret charged through the door, sniffing intently at the cheese-smelling air. He immediately looked up at the Cheetos, his mouth watering. He jumped to in an attempt to reach the Cheetos, but it failed. He began stacking stuff, but there wasn't enough stuff to reach the ceiling. He began to cry, curling up on the ground, sniffling to himself. Eclipse and Shadow erupted into laughter, "See! Didn't I tell you?" Shadow says after they both calmed down. Eclipse smiled at Shadow and looked down to Barret, "I think we can give him mercy now" he says and jumps up to collect the Cheetos, throwing them out the door, Barret chasing after them. Eclipse closed the door.

_The insanity begins…_


	2. OMGWTFLOL

**Random Insanity: Tales Reborn**

**Chapter 2: "OMGWTFLOL!?!?"**

Eclipse sighed, looking around at the mess of silly string that "Decorated" every square inch of the room besides him and the couch he was sitting on. "Shadow, why do you do this every time I take a nap?" He asks the wall in front of him. Shadow away from of the wall, having used silly string as camouflage. "I get bored when you is sleeping" She says rather innocently, brushing the silly string off of her. Eclipse looks at his watch, seeing that the glass had been scratched and colored to heck with a black pen. Eclipse sighs, throwing the watch away. "Don't you have an appointment with the internet today or something?" He asks Shadow rather dully. This sentence would usually send her running off to some website, but today she sat down on the couch next to Eclipse. She put her hand rather delicately on his shoulder, flickering her eyes for a moment giving a look of beauty. "Eclipse, you have nice eyes…" she starts off with a flirt. "Stop right there Shadow, what do you want this time?" he says with a sigh. He could never resist the "Puppy dog eyes and flirt" routine, no matter how hard he tried. He just learned to give in early and save the trouble. "Just some caaaandy" says Shadow with a hypernated teenager grin. Eclipse sighs. "No, you're bad enough on air alone" he says. Shadow gave him "The Evil Eye". "What did you say to me?!?!?!" She says deeply, taking a pair of scissors out of her pocket. Eclipse's eyes widened at the sight of the scissors. "Shadow…you aren't thinking about…." He stammers. "MAKEOVER TIME!!!" She screams. Scarlet, Yuffie, Tifa, Aerith, and Marlene popped their heads in the door. "Really?" Said they in unison. "Mommy!" Eclipse meeped before making a dash for the back door, only to find that Shadow had super glued it shut. He turned around, staring horrified at the women with lipstick and hairbrushes that were advancing on him. "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" His voice would echo throughout the land, reaching even to places as far as Northern Crater.

A/N: I hated writing this chapter D:

REVIEW CORNER:

BloodyChaos: Thankies!


	3. Girl Troubles

**Random Insanity: REBORN**

**Chapter 3: Girl Troubles**

Eclipse had recovered from last month's Makeover incident. His hair had grown back to its normal style, and Shadow had been locked in a closet with only the necessary amount of food and water needed. This was the day of her release. Eclipse opened the door, a feminine figure immediately pouncing on him and crying into his chest as they fell to the ground. "IT WAS SO DARK IN THERE! HOW COULD YOU BE SO MEAN?!? Say sorry or I'll never forgive you!" Shadow cried, trying her best to look emotionally broken. Eclipse rolled his eyes, "You say that now, but I know that even if I say sorry you'll get your revenge one day or another…" Shadow's eyes gained an evil glint, a hand showing scissors. Eclipse cried one word before throwing her off, running out the door. Shadow blinked, sitting down at the couch and watching some random show about how to prepare a poison-barb arrow.

Eclipse walked into the old Shinra mansion that was down the street of his home in Nibelheim. He stepped into the old basement and walked down the passage. Finding Vincent's door was locked, he picked it easily and walked in, rudely opening the door to Vincent's new coffin and jabbing his side with his finger. "Vincent, move over" he says, giving a rude awakening to Vincent. Vincent yawned, "More girl troubles?" Eclipse nods. Vincent sighed, moving over in the new coffin that could easily fit Two people side-by-side. Eclipse lay down in the coffin and the door shut. "I'll be heading back in about a week" he says closing his eyes and mimicking Vincent's posture. Vincent sighed, "Why do you come here whenever you have girl troubles?" Eclipse sighed, "One, because Dark and Cramped spaces like your coffin put my mind at ease. I have developed Agoraphobia, fear of open or unsafe spaces after being with Shadow, and your coffin counteracts that. Two, Shadow is deathly afraid of you when you are mad, so she wouldn't come here to try and retrieve me, which makes me feel safe" He says, beginning to drift off. Vincent sighed, the explanation made perfect sense, in a way. His eyes closed, and he joined Eclipse in the week long slumber.

**Meanwhile…**

Shadow smiled as she jumped up and down on the couch watching action movies and eating ice cream. "YAYAYAYAYAYAAAAYY!!"

A/N: …This is a true story, sorta… Even in real life, Shadow scares me to the point of Agoraphobia, Open spaces are not safe, they leave too many open targets… NO ROOM IS SAFE! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE HER WRATH!! YOU CANNOT! EVEN IF YOU RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT! HIDE!! HIDE IS ALL YOU CAN DO!! SAVE YOURSELF! SAAAVEEE YOOOOU—"a hand clamps over Eclipse' mouth as Shadow evilly types horrible threats into the computer, but I delete the threats and end the transmission before it becomes too late


	4. Another Day, Another Nickel

**Random Insanity: Tales Reborn**

**Chapter 4: Another day, another nickel…**

Eclipse sat down on his couch, his eyes shifting throughout the room. "S-S-Shadow?" he stammers to the well lit room. Shadow suddenly fell out of the closet and began to run around screaming nonsense about purple trashcans. Eclipse blinked, looking into the closet and looked down. His face suddenly was shadowed with pure horror as his eye caught an empty Pixy Stick paper tube. He took out his sedative rifle, chasing Shadow out the door and following her five blocks before finally getting the 40th sedative, knocking her out cold. He picks her up carefully in his arms, carrying her back to her bed. He begins to walk out before realizing Shadow's room was left unguarded. He looked to the shiny box that contained Shadow's most prized possessions. Out of curiosity, he opened the box, seeing a nickel super glued to a cushion. "What the?" He speaks, suddenly uninterested. He set the box back down and made for the door, but a hand caught his wrist. "You didn't just open my box, did you?" Shadow said, using her evil voice. Eclipse flinches, yanking his arm away before running out of the house screaming. Shadow got up lazily, walking over to the box and twisting the nickel, a secret compartment opening from the wall and she put her hand inside, taking out a pixy stick with a fit of maniacal laughter.

**Elsewhere…**

Eclipse stepped into the dusty basement, pushing Vincent aside and laying next to him in the coffin. Vincent sighed. "Back so soon? What happened?" He asks. Eclipse shudders. "Pixy sticks and nickels" He mumbles, drifting to sleep. Vincent blinked, choosing not to question Eclipse's judgment, especially when it came to candy.

**A/N: The REAL fun begins next Chapter! You want a sample? The name's all I got right now.**

"**Chapter 5: What Stunning Figure, Tifa Moves in!"**


	5. Burnt Bagels and Mayonnaise

A/N: Sorry I've been gone

**A/N: Sorry I've been gone. I'm also sorry I lied, Tifa isn't moving in this chapter**

**Random Insanity: Reborn**

**Chapter 5: Burnt Bagels and Mayonnaise**

Eclipse blinked in the light, waking up in his room, the window open for some unfathomable reason. He got up slowly and, first things first, shut out the light he detested so much. He scratched his hair with a yawn and got dressed, as usual, and walked down the stairs to the living room, his hair disheveled and sticking out in weird places. Eclipse wasn't used to waking up this early…stupid sun he mused to himself as he nibbled on the remains of Shadow's breakfast, which had apparently consisted of burnt bagels. He suddenly awoke fully, glancing around; Shadow was awake….but he knew she usually gets up at about 1 in the afternoon, and it was currently 5 in the morning. Something was strange, and he crept slowly around the house until he found… a note. He blinked, "Huh?" he muttered to himself as he read the note:

_Dear Eclipse,_

_I have received valuable information as to the whereabouts of a mayonnaise contingent in the third sector of the battle zone. I am heading out to bring up morale with a fiery speech and then slay as many of the mayonnaise soldiers as I can and hopefully reduce their army to ashes._

_I'll be back before dinner,_

_Shadow_

Eclipse blinked, having absolutely no idea what was going on he decided he'd better not get involved, making himself breakfast and eating it quickly, since burnt bagels did not qualify as good breakfast material. He then stumbled upon a second note that had been under the first:

"_P.S.: I've also heard that Tifa's house burned down, maybe you should go check it out?"_

Eclipse blinked in surprise, combing his hair and putting on his jacket, walking out towards Tifa's house. Once he got there, he looked down at the ashes, seeing the only thing left was a bunch of garbage and a couple bricks. He saw Tifa sitting down on a rock next to the remains, staring out at it. Eclipse went over and sat down next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder quietly, "You know… Shadow and I have a really big house… there'd be plenty enough room for you if you'd like to stay; until you get a new home, that is" he offered, looking down at her. She looked up at him, seemingly shocked at the sudden suggestion but nodding slightly, smiling warmly to him, "…Thank you, I'll go get my things" she said quietly walking out towards the hotel she had be staying in. Eclipse put his hands in his pockets, looking up at the clear sky. "….I smell rain" he muttered to himself before heading back home

MEANWHILE

Shadow giggled happily as she sat inside a small refrigerator in the back of the grocery store they had placed her in. "This cell can't hold me." She whispered happily to herself. She was covered in mayonnaise and bits of produce, along with several turkey feathers. Before the night was over, she was at home sitting across the kitchen table from Eclipse and wolfing down her dinner.


	6. Cucumbers and Explosions

**A/N: If you're expecting regular updates at this point, you've got brain damage ;P**

**Random Insanity: Reborn**

**Chapter 6: Cucumbers and Explosions  
**

A sudden noise downstairs awoke Eclipse from his slumber with a start, and he glanced at the clock: 6AM. Another early day. He shook his head, putting his ear to the floor and listening intently. He heard... the frying pan? No! Shadow was NOT allowed anywhere near the frying pan. Not after... the incident. He scrambled up, pulling on his pants hastily and running down the stairs, holding them up with one hand. He came skidding into the kitchen, half naked with his pants held up loosely with his right hand, to find Tifa making eggs and bacon with her back to him.

"Oh," he said, surprised. He quickly buttoned up his pants as she turned around. Tifa smiled a bit, "What's with the running?" "Sorry. I thought you were Shadow. She's not allowed to cook using oil," he said quietly, slipping slowly around the doorframe to hide his appearance. "I'll be back in a minute."

He heard voices downstairs as he dressed fully and combed his hair. Shadow had apparently woken up in all the commotion. Suddenly, the pitch changed as Shadow began to whine. "Come on." He could already imagine those puppy-dog eyes, slightly tearing; the subtle way her lip pouted, just enough to get across the message without seeming over the top; and the gentle twisting of her hands that made her look like YOU were the one hassling HER. This was the look that made men twist and squirm, and only imagining it was enough to make Eclipse shudder. He wondered to himself, as he walked back down the stairs, how Tifa was holding up.

The scene that he had walked in on was... strange to say the least. Tifa was on one end of the room, terrified and wielding the hot frying like a club, sitting up on the counter as to be as far away from Shadow as possible. Shadow was on the other side of the kitchen, looking absolutely horrific in the way she held that cucumber. Eclipse stood there for a few moments, wondering how it had all come to this in a matter of only a few minutes. Both women turned to him and looked directly into his eyes. He slowly edged out of the room, and walked around to the other entrance. When he had come back in on the other side of the kitchen, Tifa and Shadow's battle had taken them out into the living room, and he could hear the crashing of an expertly-wielded frying pan meeting Shadow's perfected computer-monitor technique. He saw Tifa's breakfast sitting on the table, untouched. "Well, better not let it go to waste," he said to himself as he sat down and helped himself to the cooling food.

Just as he had finished wolfing down Tifa's breakfast, he heard the slam of the front door. He looked up as Shadow sat down on the other side of the table, nibbling on the peelings of a grapefruit. They sat there in silence for several long, painful minutes. Finally, Eclipse broke the silence. "What did you do?"

Shadow paused, and the stream of incomprehensible babble that passed her lips came too fast for Eclipse to catch any useful information. Eclipse shook his head, "Nevermind," he muttered as he walked out the front door after Tifa to try and figure out from her what had happened.

He found her sitting on a bench next to her boyfriend, Cloud. He was a bit of an idiot, but he treated Tifa well and always had an open ear for her problems. He walked up to the two of them, his hands in his pockets. "Sorry about Shadow," he mumbled as he approached. Tifa looked up at him and sighed, shaking her head. "No, it's fine. You had warned me that this kind of thing is normal for Shadow." Eclipse laughed a bit, "Normal? This is pretty tame, comparatively." "Really? If that's the case, I'll have to reconsider moving in with her and you," she said, but by the tone of her voice Eclipse new it was only a bit of a joke. Cloud gave Eclipse a look, his eyes piercing in a telling way. Eclipse knew it was time to leave, and waved. "Well, I'll see you later. I need to go make sure Shadow hasn't burned down the house by now."

He then walked swiftly home. He had said it as if he were joking, but right after he had said it, he realized suddenly that the kitchen had been left unguarded. He broke out into a room, slamming through the front door as he turned quickly, running into the kitchen. "You sure this'll work?" he heard

Barret say, his large, muscular back blocking Eclipse's view of Shadow and the deep fryer, which Barret was watching intently. Eclipse grabbed one of the three fire extinguishers that were on the wall, just in time for hot, greasy Cheetos to explode out of the top of the fryer, and a small kitchen fire to light inside of the fryer. Eclipse swiftly smothered the fire with the foam from the canister in his hands, watching carefully as the fire lost access to oxygen and heat, Barret running screaming from the room and clutching his face with his hands, as Shadow giggled and licked the burning oil off her hands and face. She turned to Eclipse, hugging him around the waist. "Eclipse! It worked!" she cried. Eclipse pushed her away from him. "Shadow! You know the rules!" he yelled, his voice booming. Normal girls would have felt scared, or at least sorry, but not Shadow. She, instead, giggled and ran out of the room.

Eclipse sighed, his shoulders drooping as he looked at the mess that Shadow had made. "Fuck my life."


End file.
